at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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