How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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