I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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