I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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