Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize