I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
