he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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