I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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