I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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