you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
