no, he came in my armpit
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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