So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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