I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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