I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
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I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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