i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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