he shaved USA in his pubs
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
