I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
