i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is classic penis vs brain.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
