I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
