I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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