soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
