woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize
