Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
