Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
