im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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