I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
