I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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