This is not my ceiling
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just invented taco cereal.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
