He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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