I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize