What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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