He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
