Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
