holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So many bounce houses so little time
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
