Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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