Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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