woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
