He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
