I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
