Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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