so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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