Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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