Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
