So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
