I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
