they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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