Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
