i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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