He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
