I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
