The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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