So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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