It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
