He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
