Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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