my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
