I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
