Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
