im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
